“I’m Sorry” A Social Contract

This week has brought forth much media hoopla over a few incidents in which celebrities had to apologize for. It seems a week doesn’t go by where some public figure isn’t at a podium or a talk show seat expressing regret for their actions.

The thing that most people seem not to realize is “I’m sorry” is not just the end of an issue in the past, but if truly meant, it is a beginning to a change in character. In effect it is saying, “I recognize my actions were socially unacceptable and I will not do it again.” The “I recognize” part addresses the event that happened and the “will not do it again” is the constraints of the contract.

Now, it might be adaptable and acceptable to say, “try not to do it again.” In cases where addiction, compulsion, or ignorance is the reason for the social foul, there might need to be a correction curve. But in these cases a “ramping up” of effort should be demonstrated with each new infraction. So say that somebody with an alcohol problem says, “I am sorry I came home wasted and acted like an ass last night. I will try not to do it again.” Well, that person just admitted they have a problem controlling themselves under the influence. Maybe they “try” to quite or at least restrain on their own. If they fail and once again repeat the behavior, then the next step is to demand they seek alternatives to address their lack of commitment to the contract.

That leads me to the point. If they repeat and do not seek alternatives to their offensive actions, then they are really not “sorry”. They really don’t feel what they have done is an offense. In this case you can expect that the action will happen again. In this case, “I’m sorry” is merely lip service in an attempt to calm the contempt towards them.

Applying that logic to this week’s events we can all agree that we hope Mr. West and Ms. Williams apologized to the public because they feel the image they displayed was not conducive to a positive role model. Their actions are not how we would want our society to handle problems, nor do we want our impressionable aged citizens to see that as an option. So, from this day forward these two have to raise their bar for social appearance to a higher level. If events happen where other entertainers may have skirted that grey area between acceptable and offensive and gotten away without an apology or a half hearted apology, these two could justifiably be chastised for such actions.

In politics there is something that occurs along the same lines that I find much more difficult to accept an apology. Often, people who have more liberal perspectives are accused of not getting scrutinized by the media as harshly. Well there is a reason for that. If by “liberal” perspective means that they advocated for such issues as “gay marriage”, “abortion”, “stem cell research”, “legalized drugs”, “legalized prostitution”, and generally have a 1969 “free love” approach to their political perspective; then their judgment standards are different. If they get caught with a prostitute smoking weed then it is kind of a “so what”. Of course they did, they believe it should be legal and have advocated for it. In this case an “I’m sorry” might be more offensive then the activity itself. However, if a more conservative minded male politician who opposes the ideal previously listed gets caught poking some dude in the bathroom stall while smoking crack, then an apology is required. Beyond that, the constituency should require an explanation and a character change. As a policy maker who opposed these activities has either introduced laws to bar such activities, or at the very least hindered attempt to normalize them socially. Such a person is also known as being a hypocrite. In this case, open public verbal flogging to discourage such narcissism is not only expected, but required. Simply saying, “I’m sorry” isn’t going to undue the damage that was done for the sole purpose of protecting the offender’s ego.

It is harder to be a conservative, certainly. Those that choose that path have to recognize it. Often times it means rejecting self centered animalistic instincts. It often requires self assessment as to whether the cause is still relevant. This is different then just embracing those instincts as an insurmountable trait with little to no negative affect on the overall culture.

An apology should always be accepted. (Unless it is late in the night and it is in the form of half 151 and half Rumplemints. That should never be accepted, trust me.) However the level of reservation and the amount of influence the person asking for forgiveness should be allowed is completely based upon the existence and history of a social contract being offered before. If the apologizer has one, what are the extenuating circumstances? What makes their renewed commitment different? If the answer is “none” and “nothing” then remove yourself from their influence as best as you can and continue with the lessons learned.

So from Kanye and Serena we should accept their apology but expect that their level of rudeness and disrespect will not happen again, at least in the public eye. However, two truths remain about celebrities. One, the negative publicity is apt to get them financial and social benefit. That means they will get face time with the cameras. Two, our impressionable ones will most likely notice the social gain over the shame these stars are currently displaying and many kids will take from it a lesson that “aggression and rudeness only stings for a bit, but then there is lasting benefit.” And we wonder how we got here…

“The true hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception, the one who lies with sincerity”- Andre Gide quotes

How About This For A Healthcare Plan

The political talking heads and attention seems to be fixated on a “new national healthcare plan.” I have written about my disdain for all things insurance in the past. (I realized after writing this that there wasn’t a post that specifically addressed this topic. I will do that one next.) So instead I will offer my “new national healthcare plan”. One to be hated but undeniable to those of either the religious or evolutionary persuasion and by extension either party.

How about this for a health care plan. It starts out with the fact that we all understand that we are not immortal. For the slower ones in the group, we die. Now the speed at which that happens can be attributed to a combination of lifestyle, intellect, and dumb luck. The last one you can do nothing about. The first one and second one are closely related. Through the first few hundred thousand years of the existence of life, species developed and evolved using an understanding of the fact that we need to choose a healthy lifestyle in order to preserve ourselves and promote the chance of preserving our genetic line. This national health plan should be called “survival of the fittest.”

Here is the plan. If you smoke, drink, do other drugs you hasten your way towards death. Sex with prostitutes is not doctor recommended either. Especially the ones that look like girls but are really Asian men when you have been drinking jack Daniels all night. If you eat 5000 calories per day but burn 500 sitting around reading stupid blog post all day, you are going to get fat. This will hasten that trek to the grave yard as well. The second you pull out onto the road, you must realize that you are at risk. Even if you are the most courteous, aware, and responsive driver, realize that 90% of the road is inhabited by people who couldn’t pass their GED. If you are an a-hole this too could increase your risk factors for an untimely demise.

You are aloud to have as many children as you would like. This is a free country. They will be covered fully by this plan. This is how it will work. If you can’t afford to feed them, they will starve to death. If they get sick, and you can’t afford to take them to the doctor, they will get sicker and probably die. If they watch you smoke, drink, do drugs, eat too much, or walk around being an asshole, they will grow to learn to do the same thing. This could lead to their problems arriving before they reach adult hood. Educate them. Teach them how to eat healthy, exercise, and consume their time with life preserving activities.

My suggestion is to plan your kids out. Don’t listen to people when they say, “you will never be financially ready to have a kid”. (Chalk this up to the wisdom of people who told you that “a house is an investment”.) Get there, then have a kid. I also suggest a plan “B” as well. (You never know when you are going to wake up one day with only half the resources you had expected to have at your disposal.) Do not expect the government to supply food, housing, or the latest $150 a pair tennis shoes for your kid. If you can’t do that, don’t have a kid. I hate to break this too you, but kids need something else that will can not be expected by the government. Time. Yeah, a healthy kid is going to need some one on one with at least one parent. Preferably both. This plan allows that anybody who wants a healthy child has to budget time into their healthcare needs. Great, you make great money working 50 hours a week that you use to buy your kids the finest toys to play with in the nicest basement in town. When are they going to learn these valuable lessons from you? They never see you. Instead they are raised by the 7th grade coke headed pervert of a government teacher. You are at work. So every kid that gets both financial and emotional support for a parent who is physically present, gets to live healthy and long. Or they die sooner then expected. Of course that is barring the dumb luck factor.

There is an added dental plan. Brush your teeth, get regular checkups, or your teeth fall out. Pretty cool. If your teeth fall out, then there is no need for a dental plan.

To you “health care providers”, this plan offers a relief of dealing endless insurance forms and red tape just to get paid. Healthcare insurance will be outlawed. That is right, you have to accept only cold hard cash from your patients. You may have to adjust your prices that you charge for spending 4.27 minutes with your patience. The majority of Americans will not be able to pay $350 for your time. That is of course not counting the hour they waited in the waiting room. See you are going to have to charge what people are going to be able to pay. I recommend you get payment up front. But look, no paper work.

Pharmaceutical companies are going to be happy to know that they can put any drug they want to on the market. However, each drug will have to have one name signed to it. That name belongs to the responsible person who will go to jail for homicide if anybody meets an untimely death due to the recommended use of their drug.

Those who have the resources and intellect to propagate continue their genetic line. Those who don’t, well their line ends and the community as a whole is strengthened. The next generational turn will in affect become even stronger and more resourceful. Eventually all of the health concerns of today will be a blip.

So what do you think? Is this the same one Hillary was offering during the Clinton years? I don’t want to be accused of plagiarism.

Consequences

I love this word. It is just fun to say. By definition it means something produced by a cause or necessarily following from a set of conditions. Using logic and past history one can derive the often negative result (consequences) of almost any rational action. I am teaching my daughter the word. She says it much cuter then I do. As she grows I will explain and expand the meaning of the word. Many times I have written about this subject indirectly. Most topics have offered solutions and the most probable consequences weighed against them.


Every single problem and every issue facing this country is a result of a lack of understanding of the consequences. Whether it be something as international as Iran and North Korea arming themselves because they saw themselves included in a group where one of them was invaded. Or more personal issues such as education and health care, we have no sense of the negative impact of our choices. Often the consequences seem so indirect that we don’t realize it. This is the case with cheap imported goods and global warming. We in the west have made an art out of postponing or removing completely the negative effects of all of our crucial life changes. We often do this by spreading the results over everybody in the community. United we stand, and united we also may fall. Get pregnant and don’t want to? Have an abortion. Buy a house or too many things that you can’t afford? Go bankrupt. Eat unhealthy, drink like a fish, and smoke until your lungs are tarred black. You have health insurance to pay for the procedures. Drive like an idiot, the safety features on your car will save your life, and the forced auto insurance will pay for the damage. Don’t bother teaching your children anything. Let the school system be their mentors, disciplinarians, as well as educators. The only thing as parents you have to do is donate the egg and the sperm. Sure, get married. If one day you wake up and don’t want to be, you can just get a divorce. Never mind any of the consequences.


Many of our problems that we have today are addressing issues that were caused by “solutions” not very well weighed out. Slavery? Not very well thought out. Freeing the slaves? Great idea, but they stopped half way through the thought. What do you do with a 20% unemployed poor people. As the country grew economically we entered the industrial age. More people were required to work in factories and the business that support them. As farms were shut down and more fathers went from being “stay at home dads (farmers) to “9 to 5ers” the male role model’s impact on the home was reduced. What was the impact on the children? Then we got into this habit of sending our men off to wars. The women then had to take their place in the work force. The men that did come back were often messed up in the head and the women either had to or wanted to continue to work to support the financial “needs” of the family. At that point who was responsible for passing on the lessons and the moral fibers of the past generations to the new one? How about nobody. Now we drop the kids in our public schools and hope they learn these things from strangers who are under paid and over worked just like the rest of us. This is just one string of events that the consequences were not fully realized.


Many of the things that we in the west find repressive, inhumane, and violations of human rights in other cultures are feeble attempts at reducing some of the negative consequences. One child policies, forced marriages, rigorous religious structure, extreme gender and class distinctions, and strict criminal punishments are a few examples. These are all activities to reduce the impact of many issues that plague even our society.


In western culture we have members know as “defense attorney’s” whose first priority is to prove innocent clients, guiltless. Here the choices of somebody else has a negative result on their clients life. But in the case of guilty ones, their job is to reduce the impact of the consequence that their client must endure. It is very factual that the amount of money spent on these negotiators of the law is directly proportional to the depth of the consequences. Inherently having an advocate to reduce your negative impact is neither good nor bad, it is when that courtesy is distributed unequally throughout the society that the lessons meant by punishment are skewed.


Even the biblical teachings and something as basic as the 10 commandments were designed to counsel people’s choices towards ones with less sever consequences. Many of the negative results of these teachings were of more internal sacrifices.


Whether it is nature or our legislators attempting to hold the citizens accountable for their actions and choices it doesn’t matter. Somewhere some how, as each generation passes, less of us are understanding the meaning of consequences. On this tract we will not only deal with problems of today, but forever compounding problems.

Iran and North Korea: Much To Do About Nothing

There are a few proverbs in life that are a staple to my belief system. One is a Chinese proverb I learned in my studies of military strategies. It says, “never waste your resources blocking a strike that won’t hit you.” On the flip side of that understanding is knowing that getting your opponents to waste their resources by making them flinch is a productive use of your resources. If you have ever played the hand slapping game, (we called it “red hands” or “bloody knuckles” when using a striking instrument”) you know that there is as much effort in getting your opponent to react pre-maturely as there is in actually striking them.

Iran and North Korea are conducting activities in the open for a reason. They could easily hide any of this stuff. As a matter of guess, I would believe that they are doing some of the most damming activities in secret. In the grand scheme of things, all they have to do is deny it and those who want to believe one way or the other will follow their beliefs. But for some reason they are conducting their activities in a way that is sure to draw a response from their opponents. In Iran’s case they are claiming it is for peaceful energy purposes and even our own intelligence can’t prove otherwise. That reason is to pull us into the drama, keep making the western world flinch until we are too slow to react.

In reality why bother. Let them make whatever they want. If Israel is worried about them, let them take care of it, or at least produce some credible, usable intelligence. Instead of worrying about what Iran or NK are doing, make them worry about what we are doing. We have rights and would be accepted to put counter missile batteries all along the borders of both countries. Heck, put some war heads right there as well. Let them know that they are wasting money on resources they will never be able to use. Sanction anybody who tries to help either Iran or North Korea along.

To their face, the west need only to present a kind and understanding demeanor. “Oh you are working on a nuclear war head? That is nice.” That should be flowed with an expression that you are curious as to why they feel they need them. Not that it is some mystery that the three countries named in the (Best cartoon villain voice) “Axis of evil” are the ones we are now having trouble with. Whatever reason they give, just nod your head and say, “good point” and go on about your business of building a defense system that will react to any strike that will hit its target. Never let them know you are doing it. Keep all of your cards close. Should they launch an attack, your defense systems should be a surprise they didn’t calculate for. When their attack fails they will then be open for retaliation, with all the support and gratitude of the world. You hit them hard, fast, and show no mercy. (Remember, the world’s nations are like a woman. Each event is only scored as one point. There is no magnitude.)

This is how you deal militarily with nations such as Iran and North Korea. All this concern is for nothing. Nothing can be done about to stop them if they feel the need to arm themselves. However to be honest, intelligent diplomatic maneuvers would have allowed us to never be here in the first place.

Too Close To Home

For you 4 regulars, you might realize that I pulled the "Personal Story" post. There is a chance that too many people that might be close to or work with my wife are reading it. The point of this blog is to share my story in hopes of helping others who others who might have questions or end up in the same situation. It is not a platform to hurt or embarrass anybody, especially my estranged wife. I honestly never thought anybody would take time to read this silly blog. (Well except for John. He is easily entertained though.) I hope people go back and read the post preceding this situation. Those are much more informative.

Sorry if this causes any inconvenience. The post will return when it is more then likely to help somebody. If you want to read my personal story, you can dig for SSRI marriage stories and you will find it has been repeated over and over again since the introduction of this devil drug.

The Divorce Journey

Hello folks, I will now be posting on most of the more personal related issues here. http://thedivorcejourney.blogspot.com/. I only have the introduction up now. But there will be more to follow shortly.

Marijuana Is To Alcohol As Prozac (SSRI’s) Is To Cocaine

I have discussed on other blogs, if not this one, many times the logical disconnect in logic between the legalization of alcohol and the criminalization of marijuana. The main reason alcohol and tobacco are legal and pot isn’t, is due to a major marketing and lobbing effort by the two industries to push out a substitute good. The now cult classic flick known as “Refer madness” was originally produced as a public awareness message to warn of the dangers of marijuana usage. It was funded by the alcohol and tobacco industries. It contains wild and untrue assertions about the use of pot. It includes a scene of people taking it intravenously. It was meant to stir paranoia in the ignorant masses. It worked.

“Weed” had one major problem, it grows like a weed anywhere. Hard to make money off that. Unless you live in the lush climate of the south, you are not growing tobacco in your back yard. Certainly not in the quantities to support the average nicotine habit. So there is an industry. As a home brewer, I can tell you that brewing a drinkable beer is no easy chore even with today’s advances. So alcohol had an industry.

Cocaine can be grown and harvested then brought to the border pretty inexpensively. The biggest cost is the logistics in getting to the US consumer. And again, aside from the awful social affects that come with it, cocaine was pushed out by the alcohol and tobacco industries. Here they weren’t making up the socially unhealthy side affects. Prozac as it turns out is a very complimentary drug for the two industries. This is because its use increases the desire for their product. Go figure.

“So, LOL, besides the political and economical relationship, what else do they have in common? Right now this seems like a stretch.” Nice class, I am glad you asked. Cocaine acts on the brain by increasing the dopamine levels. Get this, it does this by “inhibiting” the cells to reabsorb dopamine. (If that doesn’t sound familiar, it will.) Dopamine is a response to pleasure signals. In your brain it makes you feel happy and pleasurable when warranted. So without the ability to absorb it, people become “euphoric”. Dopamine is a precursor (forerunner) of adrenaline and a closely related molecule, noradrenaline.

Now, for those who have been following along, Prozac and the class of drugs known as (Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) SSRI’s. Please note the word “inhibitors”. Serotonin does the exact same thing as dopamine from a slightly different perspective. SSRI’s stop the reabsorbing of this pleasure producing chemical back into the cells. The results of it’s presence in the brain is nearly mirrored to that of cocaine. So are the side affects.

So lets take this one step further and apply a little logic. Why don’t we want people openly using cocaine in our society. Most of us, especially reading this blog would agree that cocaine and any drug use that doesn’t negatively affect the community at large should be completely legal. If you want to sit in your living room and snort coke, destroy your house, and scream profanity at the top of your lungs, go to it. As long as you don’t have a spouse or children who will be effected by this activity, party on Skippy. What you do to yourself in your own home is your business. However, coke and crack alike has a personality altering affect that produces citizens that are not functional healthy members of the community. By that, I mean they loose the ability to be good parents, hold down a job, or do an important job that requires responsibility to the required level. It has been known to produce violent and other criminal behavior such as theft, fraud, and sexual crimes. So our freedom seeking American society has cast it out as too much of a threat to our goal of social harmony. However, these SSRI’s have been proven to produce the exact same result. Because they are not often identified as the cause, they are not demonized. So why are they handed out like jelly beans at Easter.

Look, when you are talking about messing with brain chemicals, there are no guarantees. That is basically what my own counselor told me. Handing people these drugs nothing more then treating them like lab rats. So if for no apparent reason your wife runs off with your child and then falsely files a police report that she has been kidnapped, it is thought that adjustments need made. We all know people who can drink like a fish and walk out generally sober. We also know people who after 1 drink act like they have been drinking all afternoon. I know people who if I told you they do coke with some regularity, you would curl up your face and say, “really”. God knows I did. These drugs have the exact same consistency. The results are often the same unhealthy personality emerges. The difference is that since they are FDA approved and doctor prescribed, people look right past them as the cause when somebody’s personality on these flip. The diagnosis is further complicated by the fact that some people’s brain chemistry naturally goes haywire and act similarly. This results on many supporters of these drugs to say, “see people do this all the time that haven’t taken this drug”. To that I say, “my foot gets wet whether I get caught in the rain or I piss on it. The difference is one is my fault, and you can’t do anything about the weather.”

There are countless cases of people on these drugs doing the most heinous crimes. Here are just a few high profile ones. http://www.health-essentials.info/science/health-issues/ssri01.html . Then there are the ones that don’t make the news because nobody makes the connection. Then there are the grey areas where the personality flip ruins small individual lives as their person turns dysfunctional, but doesn’t do anything illegal. Children end up growing up in split homes, financial strains cause bankruptcy, disease are spread, abortions are had, and unwanted children are brought into the world. But we will leave that for another post.

The problem is that people who are already in a troubled state are going to doctors they trust and getting prescriptions for these antidepressants. Whether it be a vet returning with PTSD, a child who lost his mother at an early age, a deadly disease patient that is suffering from depressions, a mother suffering from post partum, or my favorite a wife who suffers from mild anxiety, anyone of them could be predisposed to heightened receptiveness to an increase in serotonin. Many times their adverse feelings are completely unrelated to a lack of serotonin level. You might as well snort coke or become an alcoholic. At the end of the day, whatever problem caused you to seek out mental health therapy, its still there. Now you have a deficiency in whatever was causing your problem and a serotonin addiction. Now you are headlong in the wrong direction at mach 2 with your ass on fire. Great job docs.

The trouble is how many people are getting rich off this. The drug companies are getting rich, the divorce lawyers are busy, the courts are full, the prisons are fuller, and the therapists who prescribed the drug often get business from the patients spouse, children, and even extended family members. Oh and don’t forget the doctors prescribing it.

Look, there are a select group of a few people who have serotonin deficiencies. For these people, SSRI’s are the answer. But what is becoming evident to me is that many of these people are not having their issues addressed. They are being prescribed aspirin for a brain tumor. I personally know of three people who were prescribed SSRI’s for to cope with anexiety. Caught early enough and having knowledgeable people around them they were taken off the drug quickly. One had a thyroid problem. The other had an androgen deficiency. The third just had deep rooted issues that needed brought into the open. A forth, well, I miss my baby.