Monday, July 20, 2009

How About This For A Healthcare Plan

The political talking heads and attention seems to be fixated on a “new national healthcare plan.” I have written about my disdain for all things insurance in the past. (I realized after writing this that there wasn’t a post that specifically addressed this topic. I will do that one next.) So instead I will offer my “new national healthcare plan”. One to be hated but undeniable to those of either the religious or evolutionary persuasion and by extension either party.

How about this for a health care plan. It starts out with the fact that we all understand that we are not immortal. For the slower ones in the group, we die. Now the speed at which that happens can be attributed to a combination of lifestyle, intellect, and dumb luck. The last one you can do nothing about. The first one and second one are closely related. Through the first few hundred thousand years of the existence of life, species developed and evolved using an understanding of the fact that we need to choose a healthy lifestyle in order to preserve ourselves and promote the chance of preserving our genetic line. This national health plan should be called “survival of the fittest.”

Here is the plan. If you smoke, drink, do other drugs you hasten your way towards death. Sex with prostitutes is not doctor recommended either. Especially the ones that look like girls but are really Asian men when you have been drinking jack Daniels all night. If you eat 5000 calories per day but burn 500 sitting around reading stupid blog post all day, you are going to get fat. This will hasten that trek to the grave yard as well. The second you pull out onto the road, you must realize that you are at risk. Even if you are the most courteous, aware, and responsive driver, realize that 90% of the road is inhabited by people who couldn’t pass their GED. If you are an a-hole this too could increase your risk factors for an untimely demise.

You are aloud to have as many children as you would like. This is a free country. They will be covered fully by this plan. This is how it will work. If you can’t afford to feed them, they will starve to death. If they get sick, and you can’t afford to take them to the doctor, they will get sicker and probably die. If they watch you smoke, drink, do drugs, eat too much, or walk around being an asshole, they will grow to learn to do the same thing. This could lead to their problems arriving before they reach adult hood. Educate them. Teach them how to eat healthy, exercise, and consume their time with life preserving activities.

My suggestion is to plan your kids out. Don’t listen to people when they say, “you will never be financially ready to have a kid”. (Chalk this up to the wisdom of people who told you that “a house is an investment”.) Get there, then have a kid. I also suggest a plan “B” as well. (You never know when you are going to wake up one day with only half the resources you had expected to have at your disposal.) Do not expect the government to supply food, housing, or the latest $150 a pair tennis shoes for your kid. If you can’t do that, don’t have a kid. I hate to break this too you, but kids need something else that will can not be expected by the government. Time. Yeah, a healthy kid is going to need some one on one with at least one parent. Preferably both. This plan allows that anybody who wants a healthy child has to budget time into their healthcare needs. Great, you make great money working 50 hours a week that you use to buy your kids the finest toys to play with in the nicest basement in town. When are they going to learn these valuable lessons from you? They never see you. Instead they are raised by the 7th grade coke headed pervert of a government teacher. You are at work. So every kid that gets both financial and emotional support for a parent who is physically present, gets to live healthy and long. Or they die sooner then expected. Of course that is barring the dumb luck factor.

There is an added dental plan. Brush your teeth, get regular checkups, or your teeth fall out. Pretty cool. If your teeth fall out, then there is no need for a dental plan.

To you “health care providers”, this plan offers a relief of dealing endless insurance forms and red tape just to get paid. Healthcare insurance will be outlawed. That is right, you have to accept only cold hard cash from your patients. You may have to adjust your prices that you charge for spending 4.27 minutes with your patience. The majority of Americans will not be able to pay $350 for your time. That is of course not counting the hour they waited in the waiting room. See you are going to have to charge what people are going to be able to pay. I recommend you get payment up front. But look, no paper work.

Pharmaceutical companies are going to be happy to know that they can put any drug they want to on the market. However, each drug will have to have one name signed to it. That name belongs to the responsible person who will go to jail for homicide if anybody meets an untimely death due to the recommended use of their drug.

Those who have the resources and intellect to propagate continue their genetic line. Those who don’t, well their line ends and the community as a whole is strengthened. The next generational turn will in affect become even stronger and more resourceful. Eventually all of the health concerns of today will be a blip.

So what do you think? Is this the same one Hillary was offering during the Clinton years? I don’t want to be accused of plagiarism.

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